Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame: Lots of famous musicians donated their stuff to a museum. Some of them have their picture on the wall. Ryan ponders who of the Top 4 might find their face in the hall of fame. If the Universe is truly good, Ryan, none of them. Do you have any idea how much more excited I would be about this Top 4 if I was looking at Carly, Kristy Lee, Michael Johns and pre-breakdown Brooke right now? Ok, if you’ve been reading this blog for more than 3 minutes you probably do. I don’t know what happened to this season, but from the Top 7 it’s all been downhill.
Heidi’s American Idol Roundup:
David Cook – David chooses the Duran Duran song that reminds me of every 80’s movie I’ve ever 
seen, as well as stalkers. I feel like the creepy molester jokes are kind of tapped out. Oh wait! One more! He does a pretty good job with it, but sings it pretty straight. Simon is not impressed that he didn’t do an “original” version like all those other times he did “original” versions. David C. is the least odious of the contestants left, but his stink-o-meter rating is still pretty high in my book. What would it take for this guy to really connect with the audience and get out of his singing into my hair brush in front of my full length mirror schtick?
Syesha Something or Other – Can’t figure out if I can see the shadow of Syesha’s underwear through her dress (as if it wasn’t stage tested in advance) or if it’s just a motley of shiny colors that doesn’t hold a candle to her last shiny dress. She intros that she was intimidated to do this Tina 
version of someone else’s song, but all it took was a look in the mirror and some wind up her own ass and she was ready to go. I don’t know why the judges think Syesha is getting better. She had a few moments in the last week or two, but this is no different for me than her performances early in the season. All big notes she has to strain to get to and no feeling. Maybe it’s the hair. I don’t know. She shakes her hips around like her ovaries are about to slither out and inseminate themselves. I guess this is her new tactic? Distract them with her sexuality so they don’t notice her singing hasn’t changed? It will probably work, mostly on Simon.
Jason Castro – Jason is outright slurring his words in his intro. Perhaps he has a drinking problem 
instead of a pot problem. HAHAHAHAHA that was funny. He’s doing Bob Marley for chrissake. Good Luck with that Jason. I kind of dig that he got up there and took that on, but Simon was right that it was atrocious. He doesn’t tell him to pack his bags yet, but you can tell Simon is so over this guy and if he wins everything Simon stands for will go down the toilet. He’s like Simon’s Clay Aiken of the season. But hey, now Clay is staring in Spamalot and has his second original album in 5 years coming out and is very bloated. So take THAT, Simon.
David Archuletta – Back to singing in your bedroom… David claims he’s never performed this song before, except while alone, in his bedroom, with his dog. Oh David, that just makes me sad. (I read an article last week about Idol song selection in EW and let me just say that David’s dad frightens 
me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he locked David in there for singing about women or something). David is also wearing a v-neck t-shirt which he does not have enough chest hair to pull off. Just ask Simon. I guess the song is okay, you know the judges are going to love it. But the back up singers and the screaming girls and the Sean Kingston lyrics slipped in there to “modernize” it just make me a little nauseous. I need some fresh air.
David Cook – David sings one of my favorite Who songs, but it’s really supposed to be 5 minutes long 
and condensing it down to 1.5 minutes kind of killed the song. Just when the guitars were coming up and the drums start pounding away it’s time to take it back down and then it…. ends. Oooof. Like MJ trying to squeeze Queen into the same time frame, it just doesn’t really gel. I think he performed the song okay, and it was one of my favorites of the night. The judges think Archuletta is better, but I think America will disagree. Right, America?
Syesha Something or Other – Syesha pulls out all the big guns for her final performance of the night. (But not, I am afraid, her final performance on the show). She shows her usual modesty and humbleness by equating making the Idol Top 4 to the Civil Rights Movement in significance and importance in history. Well, her history at least. She pretty much lays out everything I can’t stand about her in 2 short minutes and I’ve already tuned out the rest of her performance. 
Randy doesn’t love it, Paula and Simon (the ones most affected by boobs) thought it was brilliant. She then has the audacity to burst into tears at the end of her performance because she feels like she’s standing up there singing about Civil Rights but really she’s just singing so that people will applaude for her and also I think she’s hoping to turn this into a wet t-shirt contest. You would win that Syesha, does that make you feel better?
Jason Castro – For his second rock ‘n’ smoke song of the evening Jason chooses to sing Bob Dylan’s Mr. Tambourine Man. On a personal note, I love Bob Dylan songs, but don’t really love Bob Dylan as a performer; it’s all a bit too much for me with the gruffness and the voice that sounds like cigarettes, scotch and insomnia. So I thought Jason started off great and I liked his sharp version of the song… until he forgot the words. Oh Jason. How hard is it to remember ‘jingle jangle morning’? The judges rip him a new one and Simon finally tells him to pack his bags. I bet Jason can’t wait to get home and light up a big fatty.
David Archuletta – David, in all his naiveté, chooses maybe the most 
boring Elvis song ever. Well, that would be a tough contest, song writing wise. Seeing as how Elvis hardly wrote any of his own songs, all his hits really depended on Elvis the Performer and Legend. You take that away and you are kind of left with, well… this. He tries to keep his eyes open, but just ends up looking squinty through the song. The tweeners in the front row go ape shit and the judges pat his fuzzy little head and David looks shocked that an adult is pleased with him and that’s the end of the show, folks.
Only 2 more weeks of mediocre performances and hilarious morning after observations left! Buckle your seatbelts, you don’t want to spill your martini.
Walk of Shame: Jason and Syesha. Who will join Syesha in the bottom two next week? Stay tuned!
