David VS David

It’s 8:45 on Tuesday night, my family has just gone home from the BBQ I invited them to.  I’ve got my PJ’s on and I’m curling up on my couch to dig into the last episode of Idol I will watch this season.  I press the button on my remote to bring up my DVR list.  I find tonight’s episode of Idol and hit play and….  David Cook is in the middle of his 3^rd song.  WHAT THE FUCK!?!?  I am royally screwed.  Luckily with the invention of the internet and a little site called youtube.com I was able to cobble together the rest of the night’s performances to bring you my last roundup.  In a way I found it fitting, seeing as how I was getting really burnt out on the contestants, and the David vs. David showdown was so predictable, and I don’t anticipate anyone blowing my mind in their final performances.  But I sacrificed my morning at work (or “work”, if you will), did my research and diligently took notes, so here it is.

 

Tuning in, as I did, at the end of David Cook’s last performance I notice that Ryan’s mascara is totally smeared and runny.  What have I missed?  It’s like a detective novel written backwards, where you know the crime, but travel back in time to figure out who dunnit.  Who made Ryan cry?!?!  Justice will be served!  But, I am afraid that without HDTV I will never know. 

 

I thought about writing this backwards, from back to front (in a similar fashion to which I read magazines) to sort of build the suspense and surprise everyone with the madcap ending.  But in the end I decided it didn’t make much sense.  Seeing as how I’d already seen the judges hand the night to Archuletta on a silver platter, there really wasn’t much anticipation to be built by working backwards.  American Idol is no Momento (Lordy, that movie made my brain tired).

 

Apparently the night was built up around some boxing theme, which I have to say I am not sorry I missed.  Youtube.com provided me with some judge’s feedback, but a lot of the fluff was left out.  Sorry Ryan!  [Ed note:  This will not make the roundup any shorter]

 

Heidi’s American Idol Roundup:

 

David Cook – Clive Davis, who I kind of thought was already dead, has chosen the first song for each David tonight.  For Cook he picks I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2, which is a decent song, but not a very challenging one.  Hell, I can sing this song, and I am not a good singer.  So I’m looking for a little something different, which Cook doesn’t really deliver.  He starts off kind of whiny and over emotional, then it drops out a bit and it seems like he’s texting it in, all “Only 2bw/u”.  Once he steps out into the audience it kind of picks up and even though I felt like I already watched Cook win this competition last week with his rendition of the Armageddon song in all its glory, I am getting the tummy butterflies again.  But… is it enough?

 

David Archuletta – Clive saddles Archuletta with Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me by Elton John.  And I say “saddles” because Elton John is nearly impossible to sing.  I think that’s why they’ve never had him as a “mentor”, because his songs would destroy about 89% of the contestants ever to appear on this show and those who have attempted him on their own weren’t good enough for me to remember.  (Or maybe he was a mentor and the contestants got totally destroyed, but I think I would remember that).  I think it’s a little underhanded of the producers, handing Archuletta a vehicle to really excel at whereas with Cook it was more like “let’s see what you can do with this”.  Archuletta does a really amazing job with this song, and I think the judges are absolutely correct that it was possibly his greatest performance on the show.  But it’s still Archuletta, so… whatever.

 

Next up:  Contestants choice from the songwriting contest entries.  That seems really convoluted.  Does that mean whoever wins Idol gets to essentially pick the songwriting competition winner?  Is this the song that will be their first single?  I have so many questions.  None of which are about to be answered.

 

David Cook – I think this song is called “Dream Big” which is about the dumbest title of a song I have ever heard.  It sounds like the advice on one of those slips of paper you pull out of a “dream jar” once a day to inspire your life.  Gross.  Anyway, despite sounding like the theme song for a television program about 20 somethings verging on 30 somethings, Cook tries his best, but in the end the song kind of blows.  He carries it all right, and even hits some amazing notes in an amazing way, but he doesn’t quite kill it.  I blame the song.  Meanwhile, Kelly Clarkson’s ghost whispers “Suck on this” while signing the lyrics to A Moment Like This from backstage. (You know you still know the words to that song, don’t judge me).

 

David Archuletta – Archuletta’s song, entitled In This Moment, is a little bit better musically than David’s (I’m not formulating plots for sitcoms in my head), but it’s a terrible, unmarketable genre, much like Archuletta himself. (There is a reason there is only one Josh Groban)  He’s struggling with the words and the phrasing and is so dull in everyway that Archuletta is always dull.  It may be a better performance than Cook’s, but this song is NOT getting played on KIIS FM, I can tell you that right now.  I don’t care how much Ryan uses his influence to get it on the rotation.  The judges love it and praise him up and down and Randy tells him, AGAIN, that he could sing the phone book and it would still be awesome.  And even though I know what is coming, I kind of wish Arhculetta would sing the phone book.  Just to prove how not-awesome it would be and Shut Up! already, Judges.  (Randy: “Yo! That was just alright for me, Dawg.” Paula: You shine like a shiny star that… rainbows are pretty… puppies!”  Simon: “I’ve never heard that terrible song before in my life”)

 

Ryan takes a moment to tell us tickets are selling fast for the idol tour, but I don’t believe it for a second.  Five years ago I went to a Jimmy Eat World show and some FOX shlub  was walking around with hundreds of Idol Tour tickets.  He couldn’t give that shit away.

 

David Cook – For his final song (contestant’s choice) David is singing The World I Know by Collective Soul.  (This is where I tuned in the first time).  I don’t know this song, but I am definitely digging it.  He’s back in his sensitive rocker mode. However, it’s not as off putting this time as in the past.  Perhaps because he does not have another message from his “dream jar” stenciled on the palm of his hand.  The judges tell him he did a good job, but don’t fall over themselves praising him.  Simon compliments him, then takes him down a notch, then winks at him, so who the hell knows what is going on.  I think Simon knows he will win, but can’t come out and say it because then there will be no suspense tomorrow night.  Cook gets a little teary at the end and I find myself getting a little teary because I can tell that he’s just happy to be there and this isn’t about winning for him anymore but it should be because he is totally going to. 

 

David Archuletta – For his final song David chooses to sing Imagine, again.  I see the appeal in repeating your best performance of the season in one last ditch attempt to be phenomenal, but I find it kind of a cop out.  I know (also from youtube) that Archuletta has been singing this song since he was still at his mother’s teat (no they don’t show that part on youtube) so for me it doesn’t really demonstrate any growth or diversity in his abilities.  He sings it as well as all the other times he’s sung it, but I don’t really thing he deserves to be declared the winner at this time, Judges.  (I’m really having an issue with them tonight, aren’t I?  And I didn’t even see the whole show…)

 

Walk of Shame:  Sorry Archuletta, I know the screaming girls are mobbing you constantly, and the judges just want to carry you around in their pockets, but when it comes to mass appeal in America, and making albums that will actually get sold, I’m handing this victory to Cook.

 

Before I leave you all I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who took the time to read my posts and pass them around to their friends.  Thanks for your support and your comments (both public and private) and an extra special thank you to “Tom” for posting a link to my blog on a very busy site and kind of blowing my mind with the number of visitors.  It’s been really fun, but I’m kind of glad it’s over.  Sort of like that delicious cake you just had to eat, but after the 10^th slice you’ve kind of got a tummy ache and are craving some vegetables.  I will keep you posted on any future endeavors, and you might just check back here now and then for some random thoughts.  Thanks again to everyone, you’re the best!